Well, here we are again at the keyboard. This time I’m not writing a paper for school but now to my own surprise, a blog update. *Mentally picturing myself giving a bow* thank you, thank you, but please hold the applause till the end!
Looking at the last time That I have posted a written peice, it has been about five months. Of course so much has since changed during that time and once again I am in the season of trasition. This would include being back in college for my AA for early childhood education, enjoying the engage status as of two months, soon to become Mrs. Bergstrom-Smith in four months from yesterday, and to soon getting a new set of kiddos in my classroom sometime soon (this includes saying goodbye to my kids who are graduating to kindergarten).
Just yesterday, I got the notification that it has been three years since I’ve graduated from high school. Wow…it feels so long ago when that happen. The only reason that I think that is because of everything that has happen durning that time.
Though the main purpose for this blog was to let everyone know that I have not given up on blogging. It has been a struggle to try and sit down to write something other than school. I can already picture Kellen sitting me down and telling straight up that I need to write. With that I agree.
I’ve been making excuse after excuse as to why I should be writing. I’ve also been letting things get the first attention while I let that part of me slowly drift away in the current. Not breathing life into its story (speaking of my books). In a way, when It comes to blogging and me speaking, I’m not breathing life into my own words.
Yes, I don’t have that luxury of a mass amount of free time like I did back in Spain. There I could spend my time writing and dreaming. My time is now consist of children at work, school tasks, taking care of myself, building into my relationship with Jonathan, getting ready for the big day, and I could go on to add more things. In simple words I could say that I’m busy.
With being busy I’m also neglecting something really important. It’s myself.
Writing for me has always been an outlet. It helps me to dream big, tell stories, process life, and ask God more of the deeper questions. It brings life to me just like how a child’s laugh does, food and coffee, community, family, worship, and God does.
Though also writing has been my weakness too. Sharing what I write to other people is very vulnerable. It scares the shit out of me every time I share a peice out loud or even on my own blog. There is also the issue that I nick pick everything that I write before giving its life out for people to judge on.
Just like how I said earlier that I’m not breathing life into my words. I feel like that I have not been believing my own words when I speak. That I already know of who I need to be, but I’m not fully going after that part of it. So I’m giving myself the Andrew Sherman talk of what he would tell me. It’s time to put your big girl pants on. He is the word, your the voice, you got something to say and so go on and say it. Live above the fog! Those are the points that I could remember without looking back into my notes.
So everyone, here I am. To all who are reading this, here I am. My writing is not going to die because I’m breathing life back into it.
My words are going to mean something and have I the right to say something. They are not going to be a whisper but a strong voice that carries what I speak from my heart.
This means I have some work to do on myself. It will take a bit of time and pressure but hopefully soon, I can be fully who everyone see me to be, but more importantly, who God created me to be.