It has been four months since coming back home and sometimes it can be a bit weird to really look back. How far I’ve come from the beginning of this year to all of the crazy transitions to up till now. Within four months I connected back into my community here at home, gotten a job and now I am a preschool teacher (who would’ve thought that!), gotten a car again and had to learn how to drive manual, to speaking to my church’s youth group about G42, to last Sunday being asked to flag up on stage for worship. It may not seem like a lot, but to me it has been a season of expecting the unexpected.
Weird right? Expecting for things in my life to come unexpected? Alyssa have you gone off the crazy end and are not making any future plans? Do you even have any plans? Okay that last questions was me asking myself if really do have any plans at all…
No, I’m not going crazy and I’m slowly reevaluating the plans that I had starting out. Weighing the options and truly testing the dreams. I need to see if they will hold together or if they’ll crack under pressure and doubt once the furnace is turned on. I still have my dreams of wanting to go back to Europe, to be a writer, engage with random people on the streets and hear their stories, and to eventually open a creative arts center geared towards worship. Though this also means of having to remember that there is a process to get to those places. And sometimes the process can take interesting turns or may take longer than expected. For example, at the moment I’m trying to decide wither or not I want to go back to college. This would means taking a few years to get a degree and possible student loan if I don’t budget correctly (I’m hearing the many voices in my head say do not get a loan!!). But this also means that, this is the perfect opportunity of trusting God with these plans when they are put into reality.
It is good to have some expectations but sometimes we tend to have way too many or too high of a standard. So if something does go your way but not how you saw it in your mind’s eye, then the chances of getting depressed/ disappointed is high. If you set the bar too low then you don’t have something to challenge yourself to reach that height. At that point I would wonder where the balance is.
For me personally, it would be expecting that not everything in my plans are 100% fool proof. There are going to be changes as I will still be changing and growing more and more. I allow for things to sometimes interfere the normal schedule but do not lose focus on my passions. There are big dreams that I would love to happen right now, though I would lose out on the relationship with my community and God because they would be the main priority. Plus I would lose the sense of awe when I allow for something unexpected to happen that turned out to be more amazing than what I was originally going to do.
So I do have plans and maybe I have one to many dreams that continue to grow the more I let them. One plan is to have the first draft of the book I’m working on to be done by December 23, 2015. Yeah that like two months away and I still have a lot to go on it. It’s more so a deadline for me to achieve to and a pressure for me to work under. Another plan is to have an answer by the end of November about going back to school or what dream I’m going to peruse first. Those plans do have expectations but I’m willing and allowing God to interrupt them a bit and show me something else too. So cheers to staying expecting of the unexpected! It can be a bit confusing but it’s also a whole lot of fun!